"I do not want children at MY Wedding!"

This is a sentiment that I am hearing more and more from my brides lately. While for some this is not a big deal, for others it is tremendous. I am told there are family members or friends that will feel their children are exempt from this preference and will ignore the wishes of the Bride and Groom. The Bride and Groom and not left with too many options to let the guests know their wishes but primarily guests should follow etiquette the same as the Bride and Groom. The invitation is addressed to only those invited. If your children’s names are not on the invitation there is probably a reason. If you are unsure, call the Bride or the Mother of the Bride for clarification, but do not get your feelings hurt when you are told they were not invited and please do not just “show up” with your uninvited children.

I am often asked, “What the best way to handle this situation.” Let me first say that that it is NEVER proper to indicate “No Children” anywhere on or in your invitations. Usually, my first suggestion to the couple is to create a wedding website that can be used by all guests to obtain Hotel Information, Timeline Information, Registry Information and little tidbits such as No Children. My second suggestion would be to send out a separate newsletter to your guests with all this information included. Do not send it with your invitations! I know this is twice the postage but it is simply not appropriate etiquette. Lastly, and I believe the die- hard- etiquette experts will disagree with me, I would suggest having “Adult Reception to Follow” placed on the invitation.

More and more weddings and receptions are taking place in very “Adult” settings and in the later evening hours. While these precious little ones make adorable ring bearers and flower girls, if the reception is being held at an adult club and alcohol is being served, it is simply not the place for a child. The adults with the children are not able to enjoy the evening and dance and party and the children are usually tired and grumpy as well. They are better off at home with a sitter.

As a very last resort, I tell my Bride and Groom, you may want to hire someone to act as a babysitter during the reception and to make arrangements for a separate room where the children can go into during

the reception. There are wonderful services that will entertain and take care of the kids for a modest fee.

The most important thing is to remember it is your day (and night) and if you prefer no children, make sure it is communicated (properly) to your guests.

What does a Wedding Planner/Coordinator Do? (Part I)

I have been asked the question many times, what exactly do you do. So I decided to try to explain to the many of you who are confused about what a wedding planner/coordinator does. I plan on covering this over several different blog posts and thought I would start with a general over view of just what we do.

Let me first begin with a short definition I found a couple of years ago that for me sums it right up. The African Wedding Guide says: "...the role of the wedding consultant is that of a

• facilitator,
• mediator,
• money manager,
• artisan and
• constructor of dreams."

In addition to these things, if you've ever been a involved with a wedding, you also know the kind of stress involved with planning a wedding. Add to the above description,

• therapist,

• sounding board and
• even punching bag, figuratively of course,
when frazzled nerves come into play.

I think the most important thing I do is relieve stress. Brides need to understand, a Wedding planner does not come in and take over your wedding nor does a wedding planner have to cost a lot of money. Most wedding planners are very reasonably priced and are well worth their weight in gold. Think of it as a type of insurance for your wedding day.

Another one of the most important things a wedding planner/coordinator does is negotiate and just what the title says coordinate. There are many times when contracts are either misunderstood or a situation is unclear. The wedding planner is usually the one the vendors and the clients come to for clarification. On the day of the wedding the planner is the one person that is the “leader of the orchestra” so to speak. Think of all the workers coming and going with no one person there to orchestrate and direct. What kind of chaos would there be? What happens if the flowers are not there on time, what happens if the cake is not delivered at all? This is not the time for the mother of the bride or any family member to have to try to organize all the vendors and make sure all the things are in place for such a momentous event.

The wedding planner/coordinator is trained to stay calm and take these situations in stride. We all should have a backup plan and know exactly how to execute it if need be. No wedding is perfect and there are always little snafus that happen. Having a wedding planner/coordinator there makes these snafus go away and most of the time the guests and Bride and Groom never know they even happened.

There is a lot of work and money that go into the planning of a wedding. You want professional vendors so why not leave the most stressful time to a professional trained to handle it and enjoy your day.